Walt's Journey

I had a person tell me several weeks ago that I would know that I was near recovery when there are moments that I forget about my surgery. Unfortunately, those moments do not exist.

Last night, with my shirt off and brushing my teeth before bed, my eyes focused on the seven-inch bright red scar down the middle of my chest. Floods of memories of October 8^th followed. Just as I was confident that I had gotten by many of the emotional aspects of the surgery, something like this happens.

The whole ordeal still feels like a dream. As my thoughts focus on the events of that frightful evening, and I look at the scar on my body, I still find it very difficult to believe that this actually happened to me.

The love that I feel for Sarah, Gabe and Hope are stronger than any other point in my lifetime. I was moments from leaving my wife and children, and often those thoughts are overwhelming.

How many of you, while putting your children to bed last night, thought that within three hours you could be dead? On October 7^th, 2010, those thoughts did not cross my mind when I was telling Gabe and Hope goodnight. Each moment spent with my family are cherished by me unlike any time before.

A day does not pass where I do not have some sort of memory or discomfort that reminds me of that evening in October. There are times that I wonder if it would have been better to have died that night rather than suffer through this anguish. Then there are moments, like a couple of nights ago, where I am sitting on the couch playing battle ship with Gabe, or cuddled on the couch talking to Sarah or getting a huge hug from Hope. Those are the moments that I thank the Lord for allowing me more time to experience.

There are many things that I will not be able to do that I use to take for granted, but I will continue to strive to love my family and children more each day. I realize that as I drop them off to school, or tuck them into bed at night, it is possible that it will be the last time that I see them.

As I was looking at that battle scar on my chest last night, I realize that my entire body is just temporary. Someday soon I will get a brand new body, and I will never have to see that scar again. O, how I look forward to that incredible day.

Philippians 3:20-21:

But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control. (NLT)