Walt's Journey

Family and friends are important to me, but no one knows me as well as my God. He knows when I am struggling even when I am too prideful to share with others, and He continuously meets my needs through this life changing trial that I am going through.

I have shared in the past how I realized, upon learning that my aorta was dissecting, that I was not going to live through the ordeal. I felt peace in that. When I woke up forty-eight hours later in the ICU, and came to the realization that I had lived, there was a part of me that was disappointed. That disappointment grew the more I realized the hardships that I was going to have to go through for the rest of my life.

There have been many times, either when facing physical challenges, or dealing with depression that I look back and wish that I had died. When these times get really tough, God will overwhelm me with comfort. One of these times was this past Saturday.

The last several days have been rough. I have suffered through migraines two to three times a week, my PVC’s have been acting up more than normal, and my energy levels have been low. During times such as these, is when I look back and wonder how joyful it would be to be with God, and not here suffering. Then God will through a curve ball at me. This past Saturday morning, Hope had a violin recital. She was all dressed up, mini high heels, new dress and curly hair. As Hope walked up to the front, and started to play, I was overcome with joy at being alive and able to see my beautiful daughter stand up there and play. I thanked my Heavenly Father for allowing me the joy of seeing my daughter and the progress that she has made.

The days are still rough, but I appreciate being reminded often of the wonderful family and friends that I have been blessed with.

Last Tuesday, April 5^th, Sarah and I finally had the opportunity to take a trip and relax alone together. I remember well that during the first several weeks after my surgery thinking how much I could not wait to be healthy enough to travel, and wondered if that time would ever come. I knew that we were in for a long road ahead of us, and made a mental mark of the importance that a trip together would be some day.

Here we are, six months after the surgery, and I finally, just recently, received clearance from my medical team to travel.

Sarah and I had the opportunity to go up to the Traverse City area for four nights, and we had an incredibly relaxing time. It was nice to be able to sit and talk for long periods of time and to be able to recount all that we have to be thankful for.

I want to especially thank my brother and sister-in-law for watching Gabe and Hope. They both had a great time with their aunt and uncle, and I do not take it for granted how fortunate we are to have such wonderful, giving relatives.

As far as my health, my body reminds me daily of its brokenness.  I have frustrating experiences each and every day, and have come to the realization that I will have to spend the rest of my life dealing with uncomfortable circumstances, aches and pains, and fears that will sneak up on me.

I continue to be thankful for the friends that God has surrounded me with, and continue to give myself over to Him.

Psalm 121:2:

My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

I made an impromptu trip to Chicago this week for business. The decision wasn’t made until late afternoon on Monday, and I was on a plane by 6:00am Tuesday morning. This trip was another milestone for me, and I am thankful that I am healthy enough to make a trip on my own. There was a little anxiety about leaving the security of family and doctors, but through a lot of prayer and strength from the Lord, I had a pretty good week.

Thursday night was the Room of Grace. I was glad that I made it back into town just in time, and the evening with the guys was an encouraging one. I always walk away Thursday nights with a full blessing tank. Due to the long hours that I worked in Chicago, along with getting up early and traveling, my body is in recovery mode. I get tired and worn down so much easier than before the surgery.

Sarah and I leave town next week for a little get-a-way, and I am really looking forward to it. We have been through a lot in the last several months, and the timing could not be better.

Philippians 4:13:

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (NLT)

Sarah and I are finally getting the opportunity to sneak away together in a couple of weeks. This will be my first time away from home since the surgery. I am really looking forward to it, but admittedly have a little anxiety about being somewhere different and away from the security of the local hospital. I told Sarah several weeks into my recovery that as soon as I had the clearance to travel, I wanted to get away for a little bit, and I am thankful for my wonderful sister and brother-in-law for their willingness to watch the kids.

If you would have asked me twelve weeks ago, if I thought that I would be ready to hop in the car and drive for a few hours and spend some time away, I would have said “no”. Through the power of prayer, and trust in God, I have come a long way in the last three months. There are still many issues that I am working through, but I do not take it for granted that I am alive and getting around.

Lamentations 3:25:

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. (NLT)

I had a person tell me several weeks ago that I would know that I was near recovery when there are moments that I forget about my surgery. Unfortunately, those moments do not exist.

Last night, with my shirt off and brushing my teeth before bed, my eyes focused on the seven-inch bright red scar down the middle of my chest. Floods of memories of October 8^th followed. Just as I was confident that I had gotten by many of the emotional aspects of the surgery, something like this happens.

The whole ordeal still feels like a dream. As my thoughts focus on the events of that frightful evening, and I look at the scar on my body, I still find it very difficult to believe that this actually happened to me.

The love that I feel for Sarah, Gabe and Hope are stronger than any other point in my lifetime. I was moments from leaving my wife and children, and often those thoughts are overwhelming.

How many of you, while putting your children to bed last night, thought that within three hours you could be dead? On October 7^th, 2010, those thoughts did not cross my mind when I was telling Gabe and Hope goodnight. Each moment spent with my family are cherished by me unlike any time before.

A day does not pass where I do not have some sort of memory or discomfort that reminds me of that evening in October. There are times that I wonder if it would have been better to have died that night rather than suffer through this anguish. Then there are moments, like a couple of nights ago, where I am sitting on the couch playing battle ship with Gabe, or cuddled on the couch talking to Sarah or getting a huge hug from Hope. Those are the moments that I thank the Lord for allowing me more time to experience.

There are many things that I will not be able to do that I use to take for granted, but I will continue to strive to love my family and children more each day. I realize that as I drop them off to school, or tuck them into bed at night, it is possible that it will be the last time that I see them.

As I was looking at that battle scar on my chest last night, I realize that my entire body is just temporary. Someday soon I will get a brand new body, and I will never have to see that scar again. O, how I look forward to that incredible day.

Philippians 3:20-21:

But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control. (NLT)

On Tuesday, March 8th, Sarah had her appointment with the ears, nose and throat specialist for a check up and to find out the results of her CAT scan from the previous week.

After asking Sarah several questions about how she was feeling, the doctor put a scope down her nostril in order to get a good view of her esophagus. I felt bad for Sarah, as I knew that this procedure could not be comfortable.

The doctor looked into the scope for a minute and then asked me to step over in order to view it for myself. After a quick explanation from the doctor, I could clearly see Sarah’s red and inflamed vocal cords. After seeing how badly her cords were swollen, I could understand more clearly why she has been suffering from discomfort and shortness of breath.

Sarah was given a prescription in order to limit the acid that was probably the culprit in irritating the vocal cords, and was told that it could be a month or more before she would be feeling better.

The doctor also felt what he thinks may be a nodule on Sarah’s thyroid. An Ultrasound has been scheduled for the 21st of this month in order to determine whether or not there is something there.

As for me, my headaches have not been coming as often in the last several days, and I am thankful for this. I appreciate those that have communicated to me that they have been praying.

Yesterday was my electrophysiologist appointment. The purpose of the appointment was to find out the results of my holter heart monitor test and to determine what course of action to take based from those results.

I was hoping to see doctor Chugh, as I enjoyed speaking with him during my last appointment. He is one of the top doctors in his field. Yesterday I spoke with the Nurse Practitioner. The results of my test showed that during the 48 hour period that I wore the heart monitor, I had approximately 11,000 Premature Ventricular Contractions. Overall, this is right around the 10% mark of my overall heartbeats. Since I am right at the limit to where it would be appropriate to take action in order to limit the PVC’s I could 1) Move forward with the cardiac ablation 2) Attempt to treat the PVC’s with medication or 3) Do nothing and come back in one year for a checkup.

I was told that if I wanted to try to illuminate the PVC’s, then I should go ahead with the cardiac ablation opposed to medication because of my younger age. I do feel them often, but have become a bit more tolerate to them, so for now I am going to leave them alone and try to move forward. Doctor Chugh will closely follow my progress with my cardiologist and surgeon, and if any red flags present themselves, then we can discuss changing strategies.

I am relived to have this appointment behind me, and am glad that for now I do not have to have the surgery.

As long as I do not have any complications, I will not have to go back to Ann Arbor until August. I am trusting the Lord that my aorta tear does not get any worse, that my blood pressure stays at an acceptable level, and that the leak in my aortic valve does not present a problem.

Sarah had her CAT scan this afternoon. The procedure went well, and she has an appointment with the ear nose and throat specialist next Tuesday to discuss the results.

As some of you know, Sarah has not felt well for the past couple of weeks, and during this time she discovered a lump in her throat below the adams apple. Several days ago, she went to the doctors and was scheduled for a CAT scan which will take place this Friday, March 4th.

This past Saturday, both Sarah and Hope were not feeling well. As the day progressed, Hope started to run a high temperature. At approximately 8:00pm, we decided that Sarah should go to the emergency room. We felt bad for leaving the kids, especially with Hope being sick, but I am thankful that my mom was able to come right over and watch them.

Fortunately, Sarah was able to get in quickly. She had an EKG, blood work, and both a chest and throat x-ray. Everything came back negative for anything serious which included the heart, blood clot or anything large pushing on the esophagus. We are praying that the CAT scan that Sarah will be having this Friday will provide some answers.

It was difficult for both of us to be back in the emergency room, and floods of memories always come rushing back. I am thankful for our worship pastor that came and stayed with us at the hospital. It was comforting to have someone there with us.

I had my appointment with the ophthalmologist this morning and was relived to hear that my MRI was normal. There is no damage in my brain. The dissection/surgery triggered something that is causing the flashing lights, ringing in my ears and headaches, but for now I will gain relief by taking the medication that was prescribed to me.

This coming Thursday, I have an appointment with my electrophysiologist to go over the results of my holter heart monitor test and to discuss the next steps in this process.

I went to the doctors on Thursday, February 24th to speak to him about my headaches. The headaches that I have been experiencing have not been debilitating, but are very painful nonetheless. They are usually preceded by a flashing prism in my left eye and loud ringing in both ears. Once the headaches start, the flashing lights usually stop, but the ringing in my ears continue. Although I can continue on with my day through the pain, I do have to stop and lie down when the flashing prism is in my eye. I am hoping that the medication that was given to me will help me deal with the pain. I am experiencing these at least once a week.

I go back to the ophthalmologist on Monday, February 28th to discuss the results of my MRI.

Last night was week two of the Room of Grace. We had fourteen guys for the second week in a row, and the evening was full of encouragement. The Conger household has been through many struggles in the last week, and I appreciate being with a group of men that I can talk and pray with.

Hebrews 10:25 – And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. (NLT)

The battle for men’s hearts is fierce, and I am excited to be able to gear up with fellow warriors.

This morning was my MRI that was scheduled on February 10th. It is frustrating that just as I am about to settle into some consistency, another test or appointment pops up. I am starting to see the end to constant testing, and look forward to a break.

I was more discouraged once I was told that after about twenty minutes of imaging, they would have to inject me with a contrast. One small relief as I got closer to the MRI was the thought that I was not going to have to be poked. I know it seems like a small detail, but over the course of the last four months, I have been poked too many times.

Even though I have had a MRI several years ago, I was a little intimidated once I started the process. I lied down on the bed, put my ear plugs and ear phones on, and was ready to go after the nurse placed a bracket over my head. Just prior to being called back, I told the Lord that I was going to be talking to him an awful lot while I was in the machine, and needed the comfort of the Holy Spirit.

As soon as I entered the cylinder, I asked the Holy Spirit to come and provide the comfort that I so desperately needed today. I had a good conversation with Him and felt more peace than I have felt through any test in the past. I used the thirty minutes or so to again thank God for sparing my life and to allow me to use my circumstances to show the beauty and love of Christ to everyone around me.

The results of the MRI should be available within the next forty-eight hours.

My dissection has broken me. It has taken away my ability to do many things that I had taken for granted for so many years, but through this brokenness, I have had to rely on the love and strength of the very person that created me in the first place. As I think about my physical ability prior to my surgery, it is hard to not become overtaken with sadness at times.

From the very beginning, I felt the need to be as open and honest as I could possibly be in order to allow God to use people to help me through the tough times. The other option was to hide my sadness, and to walk around with a fake smile on my face and tell everyone that I was alright. The problem with option two is that I am in a constant battle, so everything isn’t alright. I find comfort in reading through the Psalm, and eves dropping on David’s dark moments.

Psalm 3:1 – O Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me!

Psalm 22:11 – Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.

God is using this time, especially in the last few weeks, to perform even deeper surgery on my heart. There are some exciting things going on in my life, despite the daily struggles, and I look forward to sharing some of them soon.